FOLK COLLECTION 11: The Skaggs Foundation Cowboy Poetry Collection

Poems from the Alamo Saloon

FOLK COLL 11 L-45

137

Paul Thomas Lillard

Overpopulation

Someone said, Or maybe I read, that somewhere on this earth that some woman every ten seconds will be giving birth.

birth, population, stop

Poems from the Alamo Saloon

FOLK COLL 11 L-45

137

Paul Thomas Lillard

The Ape Man

When the ape man swung through the trees, he was naked if you please.

tarzan, nudity, injury, caution

Poems from the Alamo Saloon

FOLK COLL 11 L-45

139

Paul Thomas Lillard

Bad Choice of Words

My nose is broken my ribs they hurt, I lie here bleeding in the dirt.

word choice, insult, ass, donkey

Poems from the Alamo Saloon

FOLK COLL 11 L-45

139

Paul Thomas Lillard

Travel Advice

If you would travel in cannibal land, there are some things you must understand.

cannibal, travel, meal

Poems from the Alamo Saloon

FOLK COLL 11 L-45

141

Paul Thomas Lillard

Payback Time

I knew a man who had a mule and to that critter he was awfully cruel.

mule, cruelty, revenge, kick

Poems from the Alamo Saloon

FOLK COLL 11 L-45

142

Paul Thomas Lillard

Salesmanship

If a woman with mismatched feet comes in to buy some shoes, you must not say, "One foot is larger." That will not amuse.

wording, sell, feet, shoes

Poems from the Alamo Saloon

FOLK COLL 11 L-45

142

Paul Thomas Lillard

Nature

Don't be embarrassed, I contend when you've burped or broken wind.

natural, fart, burp, king, common

Poems from the Alamo Saloon

FOLK COLL 11 L-45

142

Paul Thomas Lillard

The Pill

I ran into a friend of mine just the other day.

man, pill, pregnancy

Poems from the Alamo Saloon

FOLK COLL 11 L-45

143

Paul Thomas Lillard

Hashmarks

Those hashmarks on my undergarments cause me much despair, so I always go to the Laundromat when there's no one there.

dirty, laundry, underwear

Poems from the Alamo Saloon

FOLK COLL 11 L-45

144

Paul Thomas Lillard

Wives

Wives are wonderful, wives are great, it's a lucky man who's got a mate.

lucky, wife, life

Poems from the Alamo Saloon

FOLK COLL 11 L-45

144

Paul Thomas Lillard

The Good Life

I wish I were in Congress. What a joy that would bring, to sit upon my ass all day and never do a thing.

congress, lazy, pay, sit

Poems from the Alamo Saloon

FOLK COLL 11 L-45

144

Paul Thomas Lillard

True Love

When I said good-bye to my Mooseme; with a tear in her voice, I heard her say, "Paul-san, I will be true. While you're in Korea I wait for you.

japanese, korea, whore

Poems from the Alamo Saloon

FOLK COLL 11 L-45

145

Paul Thomas Lillard

Success

Never be a success layin' in bed, I heard that's what some wise man said.

hooker, success, business

Poems from the Alamo Saloon

FOLK COLL 11 L-45

147

Paul Thomas Lillard

Odd

I think it odd how little they pay the cop who walks the beat when I read about the money they pay the athlete.

police, pay, athlete

Poems from the Alamo Saloon

FOLK COLL 11 L-45

147

Paul Thomas Lillard

Why Worry?

Birds don't know they're going to die. If birds don't worry, why should I?

death, birds, worry

Poems from the Alamo Saloon

FOLK COLL 11 L-45

148

Paul Thomas Lillard

"The Maine"

In Havana Harbor was the battleship Maine. Cuba then was owned by Spain.

mistake, explode, blame, cuba

Poems from the Alamo Saloon

FOLK COLL 11 L-45

149

Paul Thomas Lillard

Good People

Firemen, cops para-medics, what a wonderful crew. I just can't find words enough to praise the things you do.

praise, first responders

Poems from the Alamo Saloon

FOLK COLL 11 L-45

149

Paul Thomas Lillard

Wild Life

With alligators and crocodiles there's a difference I hear tell, shape of the tail and their teeth as well.

difference, alligator, crocodile

Poems from the Alamo Saloon

FOLK COLL 11 L-45

149

Paul Thomas Lillard

More Wild Life

Once a pair of crocodiles washed up on a deserted isle.

deserted isle, survival, male

Poems from the Alamo Saloon

FOLK COLL 11 L-45

150

Paul Thomas Lillard

Children

A constant source of joy and amusement: of children, it is said, but I think whoever said it had gravel in his head.

children, joy, stupid

Poems from the Alamo Saloon

FOLK COLL 11 L-45

150

Paul Thomas Lillard

The Gooney Bird

Of all the things on land and sea, the gooney bird is the oddest to me.

bird, fly, grace, land, absurd

Poems from the Alamo Saloon

FOLK COLL 11 L-45

150

Paul Thomas Lillard

Mules

The way to handle a balky mule is to never lose your cool. Talk to him in a friendly way, you might even offer a bit of hay.

stubborn, plead, turpentine

Poems from the Alamo Saloon

FOLK COLL 11 L-45

152

Paul Thomas Lillard

Books

Books and me are the best of friends. I'm always sorry when one ends, for I very much like spending the time

books, reading, beer, poetry

Poems from the Alamo Saloon

FOLK COLL 11 L-45

153

Paul Thomas Lillard

Picnic

The dudes of Washington in eighteen hundred and sixty-one all went out to watch the fun fancy carriages ladies fair well-dressed gents.

bull run, civil war, picnic

Poems from the Alamo Saloon

FOLK COLL 11 L-45

153

Paul Thomas Lillard

Rasputin

Rasputin was, or so I've read, a very evil monk. He was lewd and lecherous and was usually drunk.

russian, romanov, kill, death, drown, difficulty