FOLK COLLECTION 11: The Skaggs Foundation Cowboy Poetry Collection

Poems from the Alamo Saloon

FOLK COLL 11 L-45

156

Paul Thomas Lillard

Druthers

I would rather a sergeant than a private be. Sergeants don't pull k.p. They get more passes and money too than the privates ever do.

sergeant, privilege, privates

Poems from the Alamo Saloon

FOLK COLL 11 L-45

157

Paul Thomas Lillard

Short Rounds

Michelangelo painted the Chapel lying on his back. I read it once in a book. It must be a fact.

facts, history, random

Poems from the Alamo Saloon

FOLK COLL 11 L-45

160

Paul Thomas Lillard

Matter of Choice

A burp or a belch what difference between the two?

burp, belch, difference

Poems from the Alamo Saloon

FOLK COLL 11 L-45

161

Paul Thomas Lillard

Things I See

Giant roaches climb the wall snakes are on the floor bats that circle 'round the room zombies by the door.

drunk, hallucination, vision

Poems from the Alamo Saloon

FOLK COLL 11 L-45

161

Paul Thomas Lillard

Dinosaurs

They say dinosaurs were a failure but I don't think that's so.

failure, earth, mankind

Poems from the Alamo Saloon

FOLK COLL 11 L-45

162

Paul Thomas Lillard

Another Matter of Choice

Drink lots of liquids I hear tell and do it everyday.

hydration, beer, doctors

Poems from the Alamo Saloon

FOLK COLL 11 L-45

162

Paul Thomas Lillard

History is Bunk

Grant took Richmond, so history says, but I say it ain't so. No Union army ever got to Richmond 'til Lee, he let it go.

history, false, civil war

Poems from the Alamo Saloon

FOLK COLL 11 L-45

163

Paul Thomas Lillard

Attila the Hun

In a camp outside the town of Orlean, sat Attila the Hun and his mood was mean. He'd laid siege to this little town but was having no luck and was feeling down.

gunpowder, hun, chinese, orlean

Poems from the Alamo Saloon

FOLK COLL 11 L-45

170

Paul Thomas Lillard

History

It should amaze you if you're like me how writers have twisted our history.

history, twisted, victory, massacre, west

Poems from the Alamo Saloon

FOLK COLL 11 L-45

171

Paul Thomas Lillard

More Advice

If you would possessions amass, never tell your boss to kiss your ass.

boss, insult, pay

Poems from the Alamo Saloon

FOLK COLL 11 L-45

172

Paul Thomas Lillard

Surprise

"Son of a bitch," said General Custer as he sat his horse all a fluster.

custer, sioux, surprise

Poems from the Alamo Saloon

FOLK COLL 11 L-45

172

Paul Thomas Lillard

More Short Rounds

They all said nobody peeked when Godiva made her ride, but you know what I think? I think somebody lied.

godiva, pen, sword

Poems from the Alamo Saloon

FOLK COLL 11 L-45

173

Paul Thomas Lillard

Lillard's Law

Oil in water will never mix nor will truth in politics.

luck, rule, impossible, convince

Poems from the Alamo Saloon

FOLK COLL 11 L-45

174

Paul Thomas Lillard

The Devil and Me

"I promise you fame and riches," the Devil said to me, and you'll be hailed far and wide for your poetry.

deal, devil, women, beer

Poems from the Alamo Saloon

FOLK COLL 11 L-45

175

Paul Thomas Lillard

Proof

"This is trash what you've written," the publisher said to me.

poet, trash, proof, slip

Poems from the Alamo Saloon

FOLK COLL 11 L-45

175

Paul Thomas Lillard

The Turkey

It's a damn good thing old Ben Franklin didn't have his way when he came up with the notion on that bygone day.

benjamin franklin, funny, turkey

Poems from the Alamo Saloon

FOLK COLL 11 L-45

176

Paul Thomas Lillard

Caution

If you should go to Australia, let me make it clear, exercise a little caution when you drink Australian beer.

australia, beer, forget

Poems from the Alamo Saloon

FOLK COLL 11 L-45

176

Paul Thomas Lillard

The Finn

When it comes to fightin' men, I gotta say I admire the Finn.

finland, army, stalin

Poems from the Alamo Saloon

FOLK COLL 11 L-45

177

Paul Thomas Lillard

Odd

I watch people drinking soda pop and it seems right queer that they're drinking soda pop when they could be drinking beer.

soda, beer, odd

Poems from the Alamo Saloon

FOLK COLL 11 L-45

177

Paul Thomas Lillard

Did You Know

In all the paintings of Washington, he wears a solemn face and I know why that was,

george washington, painting, smile, wood

Poems from the Alamo Saloon

FOLK COLL 11 L-45

178

Paul Thomas Lillard

The Boomerang

I never ever got the hang of learning to throw the boomerang.

boomerang, throw, cut, australian

Poems from the Alamo Saloon

FOLK COLL 11 L-45

178

Paul Thomas Lillard

A Lesson?

I watched a bug as it crossed the road. On the other side, there sat a toad. The bug he got 'bout halfway when the toad, he saw in ambush lay.

frog, bug, truck, life

Poems from the Alamo Saloon

FOLK COLL 11 L-45

179

Paul Thomas Lillard

The Alamo

Up in heaven if I should go I hope like hell there's an Alamo and if there ain't then in that case, I'd just as soon go to the other place.

heaven, hell, bar, alamo

Poems from the Alamo Saloon

FOLK COLL 11 L-45

179

Paul Thomas Lillard

Fractured History (Christopher Columbus

Ferdinand and Isabella of a glorious reign sat in their castle rulers of Spain. They'd just finished eating and were lazin' around when in came a minister who served the crown.

columbus, crazy, discovery, opposite

Poems from the Alamo Saloon

FOLK COLL 11 L-45

190

Paul Thomas Lillard

Victorian

Queen Victoria of that bygone-day was quite a prude, most folks say. The mention of sex was most taboo and she held that liquor was sinful too.

queen victoria, sex, drinking